Everything's in place. For the meantime I forgot how it feels like to be alone. It was an awesome weekend nights with my best bud even though we don't have much money to spend on different things we wanted so bad. Tomorrow will be another day to spend with her and that's so okay and I expect more fun with her.
1ST NIGHT: she took the night at my house while I spent my 2hours planning about the cards I'll be giving to that special boy in his birthday. there are 54 cards and each of them has phrases I learned about his attitude. Those are shitty writings cause I really don't know what to say. There was actually 50-50 doubt in me if I would still be giving the deck cards to him. I don't know. It loosen my confidence to give that effort (which I merely give to any one). And I was unprepared for the consequences that might happen.
2ND NIGHT: cards was left aside still and I don't have the guts to throw them on to the birthday boy. Well that really sucks like I need tons of confidence to show up. Perhaps I don't want to see him for the meantime. I was avoiding his presence. I can't bear the looks he might dagger to me like it can met a hopeless victim of love.
and tonight. the card was on my bud and it was covered with tape so she won't be tempted to read the phrases. actually , his birthday was today and of course as on rituals I gave him birthday message through text message that it hurts that until now i wasn't thanked. yes i was expecting some sort of thank you reply and that was a crap cause, I shouldn't expected that much. its a very tragic story of my friendzone era and i want to end this now. it doesn't fit me that my kind will do such thing as efforts and bullcraps. I'm a girl that shouldn't be doing this thing on that thing.
i hate writing letters though.
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