So I tried

I tried something new, right before this year ends. I hope it would be better, and smooth and fine. I'm so excited for next year's challenges and shits. Literally, I'm excited because, who knows it'll going to be my last year.

I'll be posting poems instead of rants, and hopefully, they would be translated into English. I'm going to practice my verbal skills in English. Help me Lord. So I think that would be my new year's resolution. I would like to enhance my skills in communicating and writing my thoughts and ideas.

I won't post new years resolution (my whole resolutions) because, that would be a big bullshit. I won't plan, instead I would make. Okay, what else will I say..

About tumblr thing, I don't fucking know why I can no longer open two of my accounts there, either way the tumblr browser or website itself. I'm so doomed.

Right after

We had a good conversation,
I never thought we could make it until 1pm
But I would still hope it won't end there.
Cause I'm missing you now.

I'm thinking what would you really do after you said goodnight.
I'm feeling so lonely but I guess you're sleeping tight.
I'm dreaming of you but I'm still awake.
I was hoping tomorrow it would be easy for you, to love me too.

17 minutes past, I would still be looking through your messages.
the way we talk, it was like we've known each other in years
17 minutes I would still laugh at silly things we've discussed earlier.
after rereading them, a sigh in pain would come out.

I've been thinking about you lately

The song in my playlist keeps on repeating

just like your voice bumped on my head replaying, and replaying

the words you used to discuss doesn't even matter,

your smile and laughter causes me this shiver.

I've seen you a thousand times in my sleep

even as i close my eyes , i can feel you breathe

the warm inside this room was tender just like you

how i wish i was able to see you cause i feel so blue

every time i asked you why, you just blink there 

like a space on clouds so vast and deep,

i can see through your eyes 

that you don't have any answers to blurt out, i knew it.

you don't look good, plenty times as i'm with you.

i'm okay but you're not. it was so selfish.

I'm happy with your presence, unlike at what you feel.

I'm sorry for keeping you around, 

I only want you here. 

If I found time and courage to let go,

I promise I would stay away, just to see you grow.

I can let you know that I loved you so long time ago,

i was chained on your boundaries,

I was here in you box. I was knocking a couple of times,

just open your heart, i want to hear it beating for me..

There was thousand message I've had received from you,

but i can only tell the messages that was really for me, 

there was just hundreds of thoughts you asked about how am i for today,

only 10 was showing you were happy with me,

there were 5 saying you missed me,

and only 1 saying I should have been more careful

but there was no message to tell me, 

you've loved me, the way I do

just like my thousand message for you

 

3 weeks sort of inactive

Sobrang saya, sobrang lungkot, roller coaster of emotions naranasan ko recently. hindi ko na nga alam kung saan ko sisimulan magkwento per, sisimulan ko muna siguro sa masaya. Masaya kasi  yung last week na nasa letran pa ako, hindi ko makakalimutan. yung chefs parade na kahit anong reklamo ang gawin ko kasi nasali ako sa kalokohang yun, naenjoy ko naman pala, kahit papano. nanalo kami ng partner ko gold pa. 1st place kumbaga. tapos cinelebrate namin yun, pumunta kami sa divi kahit wala naman akong binili, sinamahan ko lang partnoos siya pang wala. er ko para bumiuli ng isusuot niya sa christmas party namin.. pag uwi ko, ay hindi pala muna ako umuwi, dumeretso ulit ako sa sm manila para makipagkita sa boyfriend ng mama ko, una nagrereklamo pa ako kasi gabi na, dapat nsa byahe na ako ngayon pero bat kailangan ko pa tong gawin, pero ayos lang. binigyan naman ako ng matinong pamasko haha

fast forward sa paskuhan, kasi exciting..
maaga pa lang nasa school na ako kasi pinapatawag lahat ng officer. nakakainis din yun kasi kung sino pa ang nangutos siya pang wala. edi dumeretso muna kami kila eann para doon na lang magpalipas ng hapon, pero bago pala muna yun nagsama sama kaming mga blockmates, nagkaininan sa tokyo tokyo, nakakainis ulit kasi nakabudget pera ko tapos gagastos kami sa pagkain ng ganun kamahal..

edi yun na nakila eann na kami, wala puro kwetuhan lang at kulitan, pero syempre kailangan din namin pla mag ayos kasi karamhan samin mababagal kumilos.nagtaxi na lang kami kasi gabi na, tapos habang nasa byahe, tinawagan na kami nung mga lintik na officers na yun kasi sakin paka nakatoka mga palaro nila, nakakayamot, buti sana kung kanina sila nagpunta umaga pa lang na nasa school kami edi sana napagusapan ng maayos, hindi yung minamadali kami tulad nito.

pag dating namin dun, ngsimula narin sila, tapos kainina, tapos hindi ko natikman yung pizza nakakainis. tapos ayun exchange gift HAAAAAAAAYS sobrang nakakakilig kasi kumpleto wishlist ko


gabi ng paskuhan sobrang saya as in one of a kind, mala bucketlist pero swear to heaven uulitin ko to. si joyce pring, si yeng, deuce manila at mars miranda., sobrang saya. nakakatuwa!


hindi pa pala tapos yan , nakisleepover kami kila arah, edi nagkaroon ng kwentuhan plus inuman at kulitan. syempre puro pagkain, gusto ko nga dun kila arah eh. kinaumagahan nanood lang kami ng masasayang palabas haha. teka parang pambata naman masyado ang kwento ko ngayon, pero masaya po talaga eh...

sabay sabay narin kami umuwi ni ingrid. at pagkauwi ko nang bahay, nakatulog ako hanggang gabi, puyat at hangover kasi, naranasan ko sa isang gabi. kaya bumawi talaga ako ng tulog.

syempre hindi kumpleto ang Christmas Vacation ko kapag hindi uuwi ang bestfriend..
fast forward sa 22.

Isa rin to sa mga hindi ko makakalimutan, kasama ko naman ngayon ang mga pinakamamahal kong batchmates, nag night out ulit kami, kaso boring yung bar, pero ayos lang naenjoy naman namin yung thought na magkakasama kami..

another puyat mode yun,

kila del kami nakitulog, at kinaumagahan umalis agad kami kasi sa hapon na yon may kikitain ulit kami na hs friends. kasama na dito si ano...
pero marami kami, sabi ni hajar blow out nya daw to samin kasi nagbday siya, at 18 na siya..


at eto na start na ng malungkot na part,. cinelebrate ko ang christmas na mag isa sa bahay at natulog na lang. pano ba naman kasi umuwi ang mga kasama ko sa bahay sa ilocos, ayoko pa naman sumama, sa kadahilanang ayoko makipasko doon lalong lalo na kung nandon yung tatay ko, una, ayaw ko siya makita pa, pangalawa, hindi pa ako handa, baka kung ano lang ang masabi ko sa kanya, mapapahiya lang siya,,

Pero nandiyan naman si venus, yung bestfriend ko, welcome naman ako sa bahay nila kaya doon na lang ako nagpasko. Hindi ko inaakalang hindi lang siya ang makakasama ko, kasama ko rin siya. nagpalipas na siya ng umaga kasama nami9n. hindi ko pwedeng kasama ko kasi andyan si bestfriend.  at bawal ko siya angkinin..
haha hugot ba ito sa pasko?

basta nung kinaumagahan ng 25 umuwi talaga ako para matulog. nung 26 inaya ko yung pinsan ko para gumala, bumili nanaman ako ng tokyo tokyo na pagkamahal mahal. HAHAHA
28, andito na mga kasama ko sa bahay. pero ako naman ulit ang umalis. nakibinyag lang o nakikain, magkaiba pala yun pagkatapos ay nakipagkita ulit kay hajar at jerem, may misunderstanding sila, at isa ako sa manghihinayang talaga kapag hindi sila nagkabati.. relate ako kay jerem kasi, ako yung nafriendzone.. at kahit kaila hindi ako kayang mahalin nung taong sobra kong pinapahalagaan ngayon .. sa kasalukuyan.
Pero ayos lang, naiintindihan ko naman ang pareho nilang nararamdaman. yung isa kailangan nang umiwas, mahirap na kapag mas lalo pang masasaktan. at yung isa naman mawawalan ng kaibigan. pero kasi.. napaibig mo kaibigan mo, at alam mo sa sarili mong hindi mo kayang ibigay yung gusto niya. lalo na yang puso mo na nakalaan na pala sa iba/..





ayun lang muna siguro ang maibabahagi ko. sa ngayon, gumagawa ako ng technical report sa biochemistrry, tapos naalala ko na hindi na pala ako nakakapagupdate dito, kaya naisipan kong bagsakan na ikwento lahat ang nangyari sa 3weeks.

Second to the last week

2 more weeks and it's finally Christmas break. My hormones are confused. Somewhat excited, somewhat not. I promise myself that I will enjoy the break even if I expected so many things that are very unlikely to happen. I'll leave the disappointments here in 2014 and I will make living to the fullest for my next years. I may be doing some changes about how I dress or how I look like but this I swear I will make every day of 2015 the happiest and blessed! I was awakened by my old classmate in college about happiness and sadness matter. I've been so selfish and self-centered. See, I even let bitterness, insecurities or for short: my demons eat the real me. 

I may not be my old self again but I'll do every thing to change for good. This is for my family and friends that are always been there for me no matter what. I think this post are somehow related with my resolutions, so I will post soon the complete details about them soon. Maybe when classes are over.

I can't promise that I'll lessen my foul words but I try not to blurt them out in public!

december, please be good to me, please

2 please are enough for me to say how much i want a good december this year.
Last 3years of my december are nightmares.

Sana pagkatapos kong ipost to, nakalimutan ko na yung sakit. at sana after kong maipost to, isa ka lang stranger para sa akin. naalala mo nung first pasko na tayong dalawa, away tayo ng away. naalala ko pa na nakikipaghiwalay ka. and i dont want that to happen. i tried my best to stop you and i guess nagawa ko namang maibalik ka sa akin. on our second christmas together, ganun parin, away ulit, do you remember how much i cry begging you to stay, at sinasabi ko pa na please patapusin natin tung pasko, kinaumagahan nun gusto kong samahan mo ako magsimba, naaalala mo pa? i cried again and it was the reason for you to stay.. pero all of the tears i let go off, nasayang lang. on the third christmas, wala na tayo nun eh. and tables are turned. ako naman ang pinipilit mong bumalik sayo, i guess alam mo kasing hindi kita matiis kaya ganyan na lang ang pagpilit mo saking wag lumayo.. look at us now, WALANG PAGBABAGO! magpapasko na at hiwalay na talaga tayo SANA MASAYA KA NA SA MGA BAGO MONG BABAE, SANA SINASABIHAN MO RIN SILA NG MGA PANGAKO MONG SIRANG PLAKA NA SA AKIN KUMBAGA LSS NA AKO SA MGA BULOK MONG PANGAKO. PERO SANA TOTOHANIN MO NA YANG MGA YAN. KASI WALA NAMAN AASA AT PIPILIT SAYO NA MAGSTAY KA LANG KUNG HINDI KA NANGAKO NG MGA GANYAN!

NGAYON FEELING KO TADHANA NA TALAGA NA MALASIN AKO KADA DECEMBER NUNG TAYO PA EWAN KO LANG NGAYON KUNG MAY KAKAPIT NG SWERTE SAKIN KASI WALA NA TAYO,